The future of law enforcement

911... What's your emergency?

There'a a man trying to steal a bicycle from the rack outside my apartment building.  I need the police to come.

Can you describe the man?

He's black.  About 6 foot 3.  Weighs about 240 pounds.  Wearing a dark green hoodie.

Okay ma'am... As soon as we have a free two-man patrol with at least one black officer, we'll send it over.

Why a two-man unit?  It's just one guy.

Might be a cop ambush ma'am.  Can't be too careful.  We have two single-man units but that's two cop cars and that's excessive show of force for just a simple bike robbery.  We'll get there when we can.

An hour later (the department will get sued later for their slow response to a crime in a black neighborhood).

Dispatch this is One-Adam-Five. We're approaching the scene.  Can you describe the suspect?

It's a male.

Anything else?  That's sort of vague.

Negative.  The info I sent you is all I can transmit without profiling.

Roger.  We'll see who we can find.

Hey buddy?  You see anyone stealing a bike around here this evening?

Fuck you pig!

I'm sorry I micro-aggressed you.  Have a nice night.

Hey... check out that guy pushing that bike.  Does he seem a bit big for such a small bicycle?

Yeah.  He does.  Let's stop him and see what's what.

Sir!  Police Department!  Please set the bike down and come over here for a minute.

WHAT?  Black man can't walk down the street with a bike?  Gotta be stolen right?  Can't no black man possibly be walking at night, with a bike, unlessen it be stolen?  Fuck you!

Sir!  A bike was reported stolen near here.  We're trying to find out who stole it.  Please stop and answer our questions.

Fuck you!  I'm walkin!

No!  Stop!

Ain't you gonna chase him?

No.  Can't.  He's unarmed.  I can't shoot him.  He's a big man so I can't place my life in danger by trying to wrestle him down.  I can't tase him if he doesn't pose a threat.  As long as he is unarmed we can't draw down on him.

But that looks like a gun butt sticking out of his hoodie pocket.

May-be.  Can't be sure though.  Might be a toy gun.  Wouldn't want to shoot a guy who was carrying a toy gun.  If he pulls it out and shoots somebody with it, call us back.